50 Shades of Grey
I find the title of this book ironic. There is really nothing gray about this issue to me. It’s black and white. I’m actually appalled that Christian women are reading this book. For reasons like this one: “Our sex life is boring. We need something to spice it up.” I’m curious. Would you go to a strip club with your husband to spice up your life?
Would you sit and watch pornography with him? I didn’t think so. Yet, what you are doing by reading these books, and in some cases, asking your husband to read them with you is just that. You are fantasizing about something that is not real. The only difference between a book and a strip club is you have to use your imagination. Trash in, trash out, people! What you think will enhance your marriage is most likely going to be the very thing that will destroy it.
Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net
You see, when I was young and first married, I was into the “Christian Romance Novels.” No, sex was not involved. However, the evoke emotions and feelings within you that should only come from your husband. All of the sudden there is this great man, tall, dark, handsome, and perfect. You know what he looks like, how he sounds. And then, what your husband does isn’t good enough because you are comparing it to this fictitious man in a book. I found that I would get lost in a book and neglect my husband. I found that I was comparing my husband to the leading men in those books.
I think it is sad that we are resorting to sex novels to spice up our life.
Yesterday I asked the question on my Facebook page as to whether or not Christian women should be reading ’50 Shades of Grey’. Here are some responses:
“Sad that question even has to be asked. But a lot are. I will not.”
“To me, any book that makes us want greater from our spouses than what we currently have causes people to look elsewhere. Many women have issues with their husbands viewing pornography but find no harm in reading these books or other “romance” novels. Are they not the same? Don’t reading these books bring pornography into our brains? Many women have discussed how “hot these books have made them – shouldn’t our spouses be the ones to get us “hot”? Shouldn’t we want to be with our spouses in every way without having to become excited by writing? At what point do we call a spade a spade and keep our marriages sacred?”
“Want a pick-me-up in the bedroom? Read Song of Solomon. Spend quality time with your spouse. Tell your spouse how much you appreciate him and all he does for you and your family. Pray for God to increase your desire for each other.”
It gives me some righteous anger. It makes me angry that women are reading this. Not just any women. Christian women. AND THEN asking their husbands to read it with them. No thank you. I want no part in that.
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4.8
We have love stories written on the pages of our Bibles. We don’t need to turn to secular or Christian writings for that. Think about what you are doing to your heart and your mind when you read books, look at pornography or anything else that the world says is okay to do when it comes to ‘boosting your sex life.’ Why should we take the World’s advice? Do we really think the world knows whats best for us? Are they really looking out for our best interests? I don’t think so. Not one bit.
Please, I beg of you. Put the book down. Burn it. Do NOT take it to Goodwill for some other poor soul to read. Get that trash out of your house and never bring it back in!
26 Responses to 50 Shades of Grey
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I agree!
Years ago when I was a newlywed, I would occasionally watch a soap opera {I know…what was I even thinking!!}. I started asking my hubs things like ‘why don’t you bring me flowers more often’ … or ‘why aren’t you more romantic’ …blah blah blah. He easily figured out that I was watching something very unrealistic to everyday life & it was putting ideas into my head that everyday should be the height in romance, etc. I saw where that was exactly what was happening. I was feeling disappointed in him because of a trashy fake tv story! We must be careful the things we let influence our marriages!! Great post!!
or maybe he could have bought you flowers once in a while. you know, like most loving partners do. just a thought.
I’ve heard the name of this book several times lately, but have no idea what it’s about. Sounds like something I’d rather stay away from anyways; I guess I’m not missing much!
Thanks for posting!
I too hadn’t heard of it until recently. From what I have read about it (the description off Amazon) it is very erotic in nature. Yet, I see Christian women putting on Facebook how they are reading it. It breaks my heart. Definitely something to stay far away from!
I just want to make sure I understand here…so if I, as a Christian woman, read the 50 Shades of Grey and in turn engage in sexual contact with my husband, it’s wrong. But if I read the Songs of Solomon from the bible, and in turn engage in sexual contact with my husband, that would be what? Ok or not ok? Both are books, both are HIGHLY erotic, and both caused the same outcome.
I have to disagree with you on this 100%. I am a Christian woman and my entire bible study, in an effort to gain more closeness with their husbands, did read the 50 Shades of Grey. And I can proudly report that every one of us was better for it. Women are not visual people like men are. This is why drugs like Cialis and Viagra don’t work on women. And if you look at the rate of divorce in this country and the causes for it (infidelity), I am pretty darn sure some of those issues can be avoided if they would just engage in intercourse with their husbands a little more often! Most causes of infidelity are because there is no intimacy at home anymore.
So while I understand your taking a stand on moral issues, I think congratulating those (Christian or otherwise) women for making an effort to enhance their marriage would be a better use of time. I can’t see supporting a rising divorce rate over reading a silly book, can you?
I’m curious. While reading this book, who were you thinking about? Your husband? I understand your argument over the Song of Solomon, however, it IS THE BIBLE. All scripture is God-breathed. Yes, I understand Solomon had many wives. That’s for another conversation. 50 Shades of Grey is a book. I’m assuming your husband approved of you reading this book? I’m not really sure I should be congratulating you. I think you can enhance your marriage without reading a book that is about a non-married couple who is sleeping together. Wouldn’t that be the same as justifying me watching pornography because it might enhance the intimacy in our marriage? Is pornography ever okay? I don’t really think this is a silly little book. I think it is a sexual romance novel that is not only one book, but 3 in a series that is going to tear marriages apart and I refuse to support it. And really, they both don’t cause the same outcome. If I were to read a book like 50 Shades of Grey, I can imagine that I might have a hard time imagining my husband instead of the main male role. However, when I read the book of Solomon, it encourages me and reminds me that God created sex in the context of marriage, and that it is to be enjoyed, by both husband and wife. It isn’t causing me to lust over an imaginary person. I suppose we will have to agree to disagree on this one. Although, I must say, it breaks my heart that you would support this book.
I agree with Gail 1000%. I have seen and lived the affects of pornography has on a marriage. It isn’t just innocent “fun” 50 shades of Grey is no different then the images of woman bearing it all on the internet that my husband spent hours looking at. Instead of keeping his eyes and heart only for me as his wife, he cheated me out of the intimacy of a man and woman kept for each other only.
Thankfully I have a very godly and wonderful man for my husband and he desired to rid himself of this porn addiction and for the past 5 years our marriage has been better then I ever dreamed it could be!
You see pornography is an addiction that separates us from God, as does any and all sin and it also separates you from your spouse. When you as a man are looking upon another woman to lust after her, you have committed adultery and that is very damaging to your relationship with your wife, and for women, those who engage in pornographic reading it is NO different then a man looking at a smutty magazine. Men are comparing there wives with the women they see on t.v, movies, magazines and on the internet, they are buying into the lie that these women are “real” and that this is how sex should be. The very same is true for women. They compare what they read or watch on t.v/movies with there husbands and think that they are supposed to be these strong male figures, that “sweep them off there feet” and that sex should resemble what they read, that too is a lie.
God designed sex to be between two people and no one else. When you watch/ read or fantasize about ANY one else, it is adultery, and there is no way that God would approve.
In my marriage, during the time my husband was into porn, I was very open in the bedroom, and was always willing to be with my husband. But it kept him from being “with me” 100%. His attention was divided and I have no doubt that when your mind in on a smutty book you just read, that your not 100% “with” your spouse.
Porn is no way to spice up a marriage and is opening the door to so much more then you even know. Trust me. I lived with it and saw the damage it did. It was like discovering our “home” was riddled with termites, it “looked” find and stable, but had been infested and was ready to crumble to the ground. We were in desperate need of some serious repair work, and God has been faithful to restore what was damaged and our marriage is thriving! Our sex life is so deeply satisfying, more so then it has ever been.
Just like in EVERY area of our lives we need to make sure our behavior is pleasing to the Lord, that we examine our hearts and our attitudes and that we engage in things that are wholesome and pleasing to God. That brings us closer rather then farther away from our Father and closer together to our spouse.
“Good sex” and more “spice” in the bedroom is no justification for our right sin. And it is a lie that more intensity = more intimacy.
If you desire a more close relationship and to connect more with your spouse, then I encourage you to pray for that, and to look for ways to do so that don’t include sin.
Take time to “play” with your spouse, we once spent our anniversary playing laser tag! It was so fun!
Go on dates. Talk to your spouse, share your heart and pray with them!
Nothing brings you closer then growing in the Lord together.
I am sorry that you have sinned in a noble effort to gain a better relationship with your husband, but I know that our great God is a God of redemption and forgiveness. I pray that you are able to see the destruction of subjecting your mind to such filth. And that God would change your mind about such matters, for your own good, and for the good of your marriage.
So Gail are you saying that it is okay for men to read these books as well as go see strippers? I am with Michelle. If you read the book he is her first and last love. They got married. Are you upset that you don’t have that in your marriage? Maybe you should read the book to take the edge off. Being a snob in these times means that your sex life is nonexistent!
No, I’m saying reading this book as a women is equivalent to men going to strip clubs. What kind of emotions and feelings did this book bring on you? And actually, I find it funny that you are judging MY love life. I’m very happily married with 5 children 6 and under. I’m hoping that will tell you enough about my love life.
I think the end problem is that we are not filtering what we watch and read through the Word of God. If you are doing that, I’m still not sure how you could read this book to the glory of God.
I also would doubt that it really helped your marriage. It seems that you reading the book, getting turned on, and going to find your husband is no different than him watching porn, getting turned on, and coming looking for you. I don’t know about you but I sure as heck wouldn’t be appreciative of my husbands advances in that situation! You’re reading a book about other people, getting turned on, and seeking an outlet for that desire. That’s it.
Nicely put Gail!! I totally agree with you on your blog post and your comment above!
Completely, 100% agree!!! After all doesn’t the bible say it is better to pluck out our eyes than to look upon another with lust??? To me this should be applied to anything that would cause a stirring of lustful desires (of any nature) in our hearts and away from what is pure, and holy…We need to quit excusing and rationalizing away our not so great choices…and DENY our flesh!!! How can we speak with our lips our dedication to the Lord, if our actions keep saying otherwise?? I am sorry but I fully support Gail here. Wrong is wrong all day long folks..no matter how we choose to rationalize.
if you’re looking to spice up your marriage try http://christiannymphos.org/ (hopefully it links or type in christian nymphos-but be careful what you choose to open!!!) trust me. i came across it by accident, but it is fine. there are also sites geared toward christian husbands. but you don’t need to read trash to get a thrill with your husband.
Wow, that post was incredibly judgemental. This is the narrow-minded, condescending, judgemental crap that pushes people away from being a Christian. Life isn’t black and white. If you want people to respect your opinion, then try to respect others’ opinions too. Also, you may want to re-read that part of the bible that tells you not to judge others. That’s a job better left to a higher power, one who knows the inside of our hearts and souls. Matthew 7:1
I didn’t say life was black and white. I said that this particular issue is black and white. As a Christian this is inappropriate. As for being narrow minded: ““Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7.13-14 “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14.6 And as for being judgmental, am I not supposed to judge? Is everything than acceptable because if I judge it, it may be wrong? “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” 1st John 2.15-17. Am I not to judge if something is of the world or of the Father? I am not judging the motives of the writer or even the reader. Based on the content of this book, it is immoral and Christians should not be reading it. Call it judgment if you will. I’d like to call it wisdom. I’m using the knowledge given to me through the Word of God to make a judgment on something the world has produced, as to whether it is good and to my benefit, or evil and to my detriment. I see this particular book as the latter. Nothing about it brings God glory.
I always found it interesting how we can use bible passages to our advantage. I remember in a bible study discussing how we shouldn’t be too liberal, or take things out of context, But even so…
As for being narrow minded: ““Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7.13-14
As a Christian, yes, you need to make very careful and often difficult choices with your life. Walking a narrow path does not mean that you need to be narrow minded also. In fact, I think walking a narrow path while being open minded and loving towards others is a much more righteous and difficult way to live life.
And yes, you are not supposed to judge other people. You don’t have that right, and that is not your responsibility. You are judging the motives of the reader without even for a second considering their position or viewpoint. You asked the reader who wants to spice up her sex life: “would you go to a strip club with your husband? Would you sit and watch pornography with him?” A big difference here is in a strip club and pornography you are watching an exploited individual work. With a book you are fantasying, and who are you to say that the reader isn’t thinking about their husband? Are you in the reader’s head? Are you in that reader’s heart? No, you are not. So how are you able to judge them? You may think you can because you read Christian novels that evoked feelings in side of you, however everyone is different (thank God!).
Another way you are being judgemental to the reader is when someone asked you a question on your facebook page you responded with “sad that question even has to be asked.” “It makes me angry that women are reading this. Not just any women. Christian women. AND THEN asking their husbands to read it with them.” That is judging the person.
In your comment to another reader “I think you can enhance your marriage without reading a book that is about a non-married couple who is sleeping together.” So in that case, books 2 and 3 are ok then? Because the lead characters are married to each other in those books.
“Would that be the same as justifying me watching pornography because it might enhance the intimacy in our marriage? Is pornography ever okay?” Like I stated earlier, apples and oranges.
“It breaks my heart that you would support this book.” That is very back-handed and rude.
So since you are judging people:
Matthews 7: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?”
Luke 39: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?”
Luke 12: “Why don’t you judge for yourselves what is right?”
In other words, this book isn’t right for you because of your beliefs, however you are not capable of saying that this book is wrong for another Christian (or any kind) of woman. I believe overall that this was your primary intention, but the spoils of an uneducated writer always shine through. God Bless.
I’m not really looking for a debate here. Obviously you and I are going to not see eye to eye on this one. With that said, I find ironic that you attack me for judging and yet, you seem to be judging me. I will not debate with you further on my blog. If you would like me to reply to your comment in depth, feel free to email me and I will do so.
My apologies. I thought you wrote a public blog in order to promote discussion. I understand now that this site is simply an expression of the authors opinions, of both herself and others. Similar to a diary, except public. My mistake. Have no fear, sister, as I will move on to those who wish for intelligent conversations, and thus debate, as life is complicated and messy. I’m glad you have found an online commuity that supports and understands you. Unfortunately you’ll be missing a great opportunity to expand your mind a grow, but not everyone wants that. Farewell.
Discussion, yes. Debates that are un-winnable by either party, not so much. It does not appear to me that we are ‘ironing sharpening iron’ on this topic, which is why I am choosing to not debate you. Again, we will obviously need to agree to disagree on this one. You will not change my mind on this topic, and I will clearly not change yours.
What is a blog if not one’s opinions? However, I truly try to seek that my opinions are in line with the Word of God and beyond my own preferences. If I am wrong on this issue, I pray that the Holy Spirit would convict me of it. If such is the case, you can be certain to find a blog post on it.
Gail, I am impressed at how you handle this hot hot topic and the back lash, that honestly, blows my mind!! It is so hard for me to understand that there are Christians that see nothing wrong with this book and with dressing like “the world” and acting like worldly women, with no shame! I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised though! I KNOW we aren’t called to “judge” we are NOT the judge, but we ARE called to hold a standard and to encourage or fellow believers to as well. A standard to not indulging in activities that are unhealthy for our walk with our Creator, any form of porn, be it a XX rated movie or a discussing book are not “good” for us, so that means that they are BAD for us and God wants us to have NOTHING to do with them! This issue IS NOT grey!!! It is black and white and ANY ONE that does not agree has not been in the word much, have they?? Because the word of God is clear is all these areas of life! I will NEVER question what my God says in his word and I pray that other believers will have a standard that is as steadfast!
So so sad to see believers compromising!!! Wake up people! Let us call evil what is evil and hold a standard, not be just like the world, permitting every thing, not holding back!!!
Thank you Claire. I appreciate your kind words and your support on this issue. I obviously agree with you, so no words are necessary.
I’m going to be honest, I read all three of the books and am very much a Christian person. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. The thing is, I didn’t read the book for the smut that was in it and honestly even skipped over most of the sexual encounters. I didn’t imagine sex with other men or have my own marriage enhanced as a result of reading it. I read the books because I enjoy psychology. The story truly isn’t about sex, though it has quite a bit in it, mostly in the first book. The story is about a child that was severely abused and how he overcame the demons he encountered as a result of that abuse. In the end, he totally gave up that lifestyle and was totally devoted to his wife and only his wife. If people are reading this book for the “sex” then I absolutely believe they should avoid it. But the book is truly more than just sex. It’s about coming adversity. Granted there may be better choices to read on that topic. But I know some pretty messed up people in this world, and it gave me a better understanding of what they feel and go through then judging them for their messed up’ness.
I understand what you are saying Sherri, and I thank you for your comment and your honesty in the matter. However, do we need to be reading this particular book, to read about overcoming adversity? Is not the Bible full of that? Should our view of psychology come from a secular perspective? Again, thank you. You’ve made me think.
My wife asked for a divorce in May 2012 and I am still in the home with her today January 2013, with our 3 children 10 and under-Thanks to God. I’m pretty sure she is in another relationship. Just recently she started reading this book. I read a bit of it to see if it was as ungodly as I heard it might be. It was. I went specifically to the sex part and had the same feeling from when I would engage in porn which was prior to May 2012. After reading it I got that same burned-in vision in my head that you get from looking at porn. I prayed all that day and even today for God to rid it from my mind. So here we are two Christians, husband and wife, on the brink of divorce; one shedding the sin that helped bring us to this point and now my wife entering into it. To the women reading this book. It is the same as a man looking at porn (unfortunately I know). Is it ok for your man to look at porn?. No, it’s not. The dialogue in the book is cussing, the content is unmarried sex, and some of it bondage. None of that is in the Songs of Solomon. Now that my wife is reading this I know it is just another attack of satan to try and destroy our reconciliation. I don’t know for sure what will happen as she reads this book, but I am sure at this point, any desires she builds will not be for me but for someone else; pushing her further into Satan’s trap. I told my wife to be careful reading the book and she asked why. I said because it’s pornography. She chuckled a little and said “yeah ok”. I asked her if it was ok if I sat downstairs and scoured the internet looking at porn. She said “With were we are now I don’t care.” I said “So, you’re ok with me bringing porn into the house?” Her silence was a ‘NO’. I said what you are reading is textual porn for women and it’s in our house. When things were good in our marriage I would never have contemplated asking my wife to look at porn to enhance our sex life. I would try and hide it because I knew it was wrong. This book is wrong!! My heart sank when I read that an entire women’s bible study read it. I understand why they thought it was a good idea, but just reading part of the way through the book I can’t understand how christian woman would think its ok-forget the sex in it the cussing alone is harmful. Satan used scripture to try and tempt Jesus in the desert. Now he is using a worldly popular book to tempt us weak humans in our own homes and churches. I pray that God will reveal what is right and make it known, and that what is wrong convicts those who are being blinded. I say all this not judging, but by searching the truth, by actually reading some of the book from an outside mind, and being in prayer.
In Jesus
Thank you, brave anonymous dude, For being able to talk about your addiction to porn and the affect it had on your marriage.
If only others could understand what you and I understand about Porn and the hold it has on people that engage in it.
My husband was also addicted to porn and we had to walk threw getting over it together, but it was thee very best thing that has happened to our marriage. Thanks to what we went threw, we both have a desire to become Christian counselors to help couples threw things like what we went threw and also to hopefully help couples avoid divorce.
I am sorry that your relationship with your wife right now isn’t where is should be, and I want you to know I will be praying for you and her to come back together and have a marriage that is stronger and more amazing then you both ever dreamed it could be!!!
I know God desires for you both to be healed and come back into your marriage relationship.
I will also pray that her eyes are opened to what this book is and that she would repent and not pick up anything else like it again.
Porn is a sad and scary “drug” , and what is most scary about it, is that people, even Christians, think that it is totally harmless.
I pray for you as you walk in purity and that God would strengthen his relationship with you as well as you wife.
Take care, my brother in Christ, and may God bless!!!
I was never the least bit tempted to read that garbage. I got over the titilating books back in high school. Today I just find it shameful.