That’s Disgusting!

By Gail · 10 Comments

If you keep up with me on Facebook, than you know that just recently a close friend of mine miscarried their first child. It is heart breaking to me to see their excitement and then their disappointment. However, they are believers and are trusting God for all things. I commend them for that. We have never had to deal with the sufferings of miscarriage in our pregnancies, and so, it makes it difficult to even know what to say.

When I updated the last time about my friend, I got a shocking response. Mind you, especially dear commenter, if you are reading, I’m not picking on you. I think you actually gave me a great illustration. Read on, please.

I find it ironic that this was too much information for someone. Especially considering the fact that she had experienced it herself. It seems that compassion would flood her instead of being completely disgusted.

Enter analogy.

So here I sat last night reading these comments and I couldn’t help but think: “This is disgusting to someone. But what do we watch on TV and in movies? What do we hear that is more grotesque than this?”

And that is where it started to bother me. Please understand again, I’m not trying to pick on this one person, and I’m certainly not implying that she does the following, since I don’t even know her. However, I think this is applies to a lot of people. They don’t want to hear about the tragedies of life in detail, however, they will sit and watch a horror movie that is more disturbing than my choice of words to describe my friend’s miscarriage. Think about it. What are we listening to, watching, or reading, that is more disgusting than the harsh realities of life when someone miscarries? People don’t want to hear about the details or see pictures of an aborted baby, nor do they want to hear about the tragedies of miscarriage or death in general, but they will sit and watch movies where the point is sheer massacre.

Talk about disgusting.

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4.8

Do we truly filter our life through this verse? Are we really seeking out the things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, anything praiseworthy, and then meditating on it? Or are we allowing the world to infiltrate our minds with ‘entertainment’?

Just my thought. I’d love to hear yours!

Blessings,

I would love to be friends!

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10 Responses to That’s Disgusting!

Cindy says:

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Odd. As someone who has given birth enough times to get used to yucky stuff, I can’t say that bothers me much. Guess some people just have weaker stomachs than others. Why anybody felt compelled to say anything, rather than just clicking away, I have no idea.

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Elizabeth@Warrior Wives says:

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Well, I agree with you that we often have no problem watching stuff like Braveheart or Gladiator but the kind of information you posted about your friend’s miscarriage bothers us…and that is odd. However. It often does bother me when people overshare gory details on Facebook…like when their kids are all vomiting or sharing potty training details. I think we’ve lost a little bit of discretion in deciding what needs to be sharing publicly. For instance, posting that you’re potty training your 3 yr old is fine. Posting about the details of the messes that occur is just unnecessary. Similarly, posting a prayer request for a friend’s miscarriage is awesome and a perfect way to glorify God through social media but I have to say that I can see the commentor’s point. And having had two sisters who’ve suffered through miscarriages, reading details of someone else’s miscarriage can drudge up all kinds of grief.

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- Gail says:
  
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  Elizabeth, I think you make a great point that discretion is certainly lost on Facebook. I understand the grief that hearing of someone’s miscarriage can cause. However, it seems that compassion and empathy would be the emotions evoked, instead of disgust. Either way, I really find it tragic that we can’t handle hearing the ‘details’ of miscarriage seems unacceptable, but other things can be said much more graphic and vulgar, and yet we remain silent, choosing to ignore instead of confront those things. Maybe it was a bad call of discretion on my part to be as detailed. I figured being a page/blog that writes to women and young ladies, I thought we would all be able to handle it. Thank you for your comment. You have certainly got me to thinking of better ways to express myself via my status on Facebook.
  
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  - Elizabeth@Warrior Wives says:
    
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    I guess I’m reading at least the second comment differently too…I know that when I hear something that brings up a painful situation (like a miscarriage), I literally feel sick to my stomach. And if having the miscarriage and the physical experiences that go with it (blood, etc) made MYSELF nauseous at the time, I would probably feel nauseous again reading about it happening to someone else just because of the personal association. That’s more the kind of disgust I was reading from the second person (same person? different person?)
    
    We probably should be both being discreet and considerate about what we choose to share on Facebook and more vocal if vulgarity or graphic descriptions need to be pointed out as unwise or unhelpful. This definitely made me think about what I let slide and what I choose to get upset about. We’re all desensitized in different areas and more sensitive in other areas.
    
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    - Gail says:
      
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      Both comments were from the same person. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive by sharing the details. In my opinion, they didn’t seem graphic of disgusting. I certainly could have said more. Either way, the thought process that it led me to a out what I allow in my home through movies, books, or anything else was worth the ‘conversation’ through Facebook. So often we root for the guy who is off to murder someone because we justify it. ‘They killed his wife.’ Or ‘they stole his children’. We shut our brains off when we are being ‘entertained’ when all the while we are approving of something unBiblical….but… That is for another post.
      
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opheliasmuse says:

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A few months ago, I miscarried our first child, and it was definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. Additionally, I was unaware of how “involved” miscarrying a child can be. Of course, in hindsight, it seems ridiculous to assume otherwise. After all, we have our periods to go by. In any case, when it happened to me, I was really scared, a little grossed out, devastated, and did I mention scared? There were so many scary stories I read on the internet of what had happened to other ladies that I tortured myself with. What my miscarriage did, however, was put me face to face with the reality of what conception is – it is not a precursor to life, it is life and it is death. And while I was a little queasy with everything that was happening to my body, that wasn’t my primary concern. You see, we tend to focus on the emotional side of miscarriage and overlook the huge elephant in the room – the physical side of it. It’s very real and very involved. And it’s a reality. Though I tend to pull away from anything gruesome, torturous, violent, or evil on television because the thought of someone even portraying someone in intense pain is emotionally disturbing to me, I no longer feel that way about miscarriage. It is a fact of life, it is a reality, and I wish that I had been better prepared for what was going to happen to my body if something like that did happen to me, because I was so scared and afraid. Not to mention how little conversation is out there (unless you’re actually looking for it) about what you’re actually doing to yourself and to a unborn child if you choose to abort it. If anything, my miscarriage was a huge huge lesson for me, and it brought me closer to the Lord. It showed me that I never wanted to prevent any sweet life that the Lord would give of my husband and me; why would I turn away something so precious now that I knew what it felt like to lose it? Why would I ever even be on the fence about whether it was someone’s right to destroy that sacred and precious child within them? Through that experience, God revealed his convictions for me. He revealed to me right from wrong. And if nothing else, I think this is definitely one of the reasons we do need to talk about the physical side of it, so we can heal, so we can reveal the truth of our own experiences to those who are facing it, and so that the world knows that unborn children to not leave us with simply a whisper. Thank you for this.

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- Gail says:
  
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  Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for your loss! I pray that the Lord would bless you with children in His time! Thank you for commenting! Blessings to you!
  
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Sheree says:

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I think that perhaps saying “she just passed the baby” might have been less “gross”? So perhaps reconsidering how to word things might have avoided this situation. By saying “sac” (while I understand the clinical aspect of it), it takes away from the fact that it is indeed a baby and makes it so much less personal. Perhaps the mental image of passing the sac was gross to some. Please understand I am not criticizing you at all
As for the gore on television as opposed to something like this, I think that much of the reason people can do it is because they know it is not real and therefore is impersonal. When something is real our emotions engage and make the feelings real, of course this is coming from a woman who cries watching Little House on the Prairie

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- Gail says:
  
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  Thank you for your comment Sheree. Although I’ve always known discretion to be a necessity, it seems there are times I underestimate what everyone can handle. There is obviously a multitude of other ways I could have said it without being so ‘graphic’ in nature. Next time, I will certainly choose my words more carefully.
  
  I do agree with you. I think that when we watch TV or movies, we detach ourselves from what we are watching. We turn our minds off, and allow ourselves to be ‘entertained’ instead. I think that is a grave mistake. But, that is for another blog post. Thank you again for commenting!
  
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  - Sheree says:
    
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    Please understand, When I read this I was not disgusted, merely overcome with sadness for a mother who has lost a child. I don’t think the heart knows much greater pain than losing a child at any age. I just think that maybe many are not comfortable with the clinical aspects of miscarriage, childbirth, or even nose bleeds. I do feel it was quite tacky for anyone to say “that’s just gross” etc.on the actual thread simply because the mother of that child could have been reading that post and been hurt by that when all she needs right now is to be lifted in prayer, which is what your request was for in the first place. She should have messaged you with her discomfort and explained that, maybe, she felt uncomfortable with the graphics of it although, to be honest, it was not graphic in the least. Anyways, you are always very careful with your wording so I don’t think you did anything wrong. I just wanted to help with why someone may have thought that in the first place
    
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